I should know better

HAPPY HOGMANAY AND A GUID NEW YEAR !
They say 80 mph winds will strike us at midnight on the 31st - anyone who notices is just not partying hard enough...

Killer Lentil 

I was just sitting, recovering quietly from another instalment of the festive season, when there was a doggy commotion at the gate. I trotted out to see the screaming horde lined up. On the other side two scruffy characters were holding in a sorta mastiff-type thing which was showing altogether too many teeth.

Facing up to it. on the same side of the gate was.....Mr Lentil.

Readers may remember Mr Lentil. Small, babyfaced, named for his brain capacity, very low man on the totem pole.

And there he was, snarling and roaring defiance.

The others looked at me and wagged their tails. Mr Lentil had flipped, and they were loving it. What would he do next? Would he kill the mastiff? Would he end up a small hairy snack? Either way it was pure entertainment.

I told the yobs where to go and where to insert their mutt, and they started back up the road....pursued by Mr Lentil. He could see he had won - they were running . Intoxicated by success, he jumped up and down and screamed abuse.

Now this is the point at which you call off your dog. "Heel, Rover!" you shout, or "Come away, Brutus!"

I defy anyone to maintain their street cred while shouting "That`s enough, Mr Lentil!"

After some incredulous stares from the boys, who may have thought I was in some way threatening them with death by soup, I gave up and collected the delinquent by the scruff of the neck.

Mr Lentil favoured me with his usual blank wide-eyed Bambi stare.

Image, after all, is everything..

MERRY CHRISTMAS! from me, the Papillon gang and my Japanese delinquent... 

I took myself off to see the new Ardman film to cheer myself up - and it did. I think FLUSHED AWAY is a real return to traditional very British Nick Park, with a lot of scope for his real genius in manipulating Heath Robinson type machines.

It`s confession time - I`d love to be an animator. I`m an animation buff, and one of those sad people who waits at the end of a film like this to read the tech credits.

Back in the Palaeolithic, when I was leaving school, I turned down an Art College acceptance. Where would it take me? Lacking genius, either to commercial art or teaching. Animation? In those days Warner did the shorts and Disney did the features and unless you were Len Lye scratching on exposed stock and the darling of the obscure arty festivals you could forget it in this country.

So that`s another road not taken.

Meanwhile I`m trying to get my hand in cartooning Chin. At the moment they come out very 20`s Fleischer Brothers - but as you can see, I`m working on it.

However, now it`s time for my annual jaunt round my relatives, leading to excessive and delightful overeating and other festive joys. A report will follow.

Watch this space.

And don`t forget to enjoy yourselves this Christmas.

It seems that Shelby`s interest in earrings has fostered a belief that he is about to "come out", and will need a handbag to match.

Alas, this is far from the truth. Shelby has done the deed. A month ago I found him in the act of giving a a quick and dirty lesson in Japanese to one of my unsuspecting and shocked Papillon girls, who was screaming her head off. He gave me a happy look that said "gaijin hentai onna", and I returned one that said that I was about to kick his hairy butt from here to Yokohama.

Fortunately the morning after pill (in their case two hefty injections), has been up and running for dogs for years now, and no lasting harm was done.

Last night Shelby found the box where I keep my earrings.

He took some into his bed for further investigation, and kindly allowed the puppies to dispose of the rest. I`m still finding them here and there. Yes I have been watching Shelby`s....end product for anything unusual. No, he`s not been seen wearing them. After all, they`re for pierced ears. He has a tattoo already, but I draw the line at piercings.

Thank goodness we take a different shoe size

Shelby contemplating his next kitchen raid 

I`m back to showing again after a lapse due to illness....back on the old white bus rumbling into the night with a load of cramped people and a swaying array of little dogs in containers.

But before the journey comes the preparation. The prewash, the Show Bath, the grooming.

Between the second stage and the third, Shelby quietly took himself off into the kitchen. There, unknown to me, he liberated a packet of gravy granules. Chicken, With a Hint of Sage.

By the time I found him he had interacted quite intensively with this product. I think that he hadn`t really eaten much, but he can get a bit damp about the face when he is excited and I was confronted with a panting flat face covered by a gluey brown mask, from which happy goggle eyes twinkled.

Several intensive washes got rid of the colour, even from the dreaded wrinkle.

But not the smell. Every time he walked past me, there was a faint but definite hint of Sunday dinner.......

There was no more time. We packed up and left.

In the showring, Shelby received many admiring glances. Most of them were from other dogs. Clearly they admired his perfume, and would love to know where he got it. Had it been a Christmas present?

Chin are what is known as a "head" breed. In judging, the head is studied intensely.

As the elderly judge bent down close to do this, a strange, puzzled look spead over her face. She sniffed thoughtfully. Shelby, not to be outdone, sniffed right back - in dog circles sniffing is a very sociable act indeed, and he could see that this was a very civilised person.

She smiled, and placed him quite well.

Personally I think it was the Hint Of Sage that did it.