I should know better

Well, actually the swan. Bird Flu has hit. A small tourist village on the east coast has been invaded by all the top media faces as a (very) dead swan is diagnosed as having the dread disease. The interviewers kept asking locals how they felt. (Pretty good, actually, with their hotels and pubs filled by TV personalities.) The site of the discovery of the fated bird was pinpointed on maps, on foot and by helicopter.

An expert was asked to categorise the risk to humans and he replied "non-existent". Seeing the newsworthiness draining away, the anchor quickly amended this to "not too high at the moment."

Helplines have been set up. Helplines? "The seagull on my roof doesn`t look too good - should I phone an ambulance for my family?"

I was on the phone to a friend who lives inside the cordon sanitaire now in operation round the area. We reckon that tonight people will be busy burning birdfeeders and strangling the budgie, and tomorrow Tesco will be having to give chickens away. I pointed out that on the way to Tesco she may well be stopped and searched for illicit transport of live poultry (possibly a hen in newspaper?)

What`s needed of course is vaccination and the enclosure of all poultry indoors. That`s commonsense. But we don`t have that. We have Blair and the media. Watch out for the burning chickens, folks......