I should know better

A hectic time, characterised by not doing much at shows.

At the last show, judged on the "red or face" system, (where at least I successfully prevented Allegra from rolling), things became so dull that I was reduced to idly wondering about the enormous size of the judge`s feet - "herring boxes without topses" sprang to mind - and the only excitement was when she vanished for a looong lunch.

We also went for lunch and were greeted on return by a panicking assistant show manager - "had we seen her? When did we last see her?" He ran off searching .

Alas, she was one of the old school and I could have told him that a long comfortable lunch was a major part of the day for her. And the long lunch made for an even longer day for all of us, and a late trail up the motorway in the rush hour.

The previous show was our Club one, and in the spirit of support I took everything that could walk, apart from the cats. This meant a day out for Solitaire, who dearly loves to come.

And we won! Well....I won. I won the raffle. I was presented with a fluffy toy dog, with a label that said "press here". I did, expecting an approximation of a little bark...

Well, no. He made a dog noise, all right. Just not the one I expected. The one that comes from the other end. Like a fur whoopee cushion. I had been presented with a Farting Dog.

Trouble is, I already have one of those. Solitaire has reigned supreme in this category for years, and singlehandedly contributes a lot to the global warming problem . In the evenings she sits on my foot and behaves like one of those little devices you can plug in which deliver a puff of fragrance at regular intervals. Solitaire`s brand of fragrance is definitely not marketable, however. The emissions are more frequent when she is excited, and at the show the others in the crate with her were at times almost rendered unconscious.

Solitiare is not impressed with the new little guy, who has been christened Leopold The Farting Dog. Clearly she feels that he can only manage part of the effect. She delivers the Full Monte, and intends to go on doing so. She will take on all comers in this competiton....

But not in my house!!