I should know better

Warning - the following contains descriptions of an explicit nature which could be very distressing for young dogs.....

Marcus was having some difficulty with a visiting lady. This is not a usual occurrence for the young Casanova, and the fault certainly did not lie with the object of his attentions, who was flirting and tail switching in the most alluring way. No: somehow or other he just couldn`t seem to hit the target, even when it was flaunted in his face.

I wasn`t too well anyway(the Achilles Wooden Leg seems to have developed termites), and time was going on - the window of opportunity is not too large with dogs - so I phoned a friend. In short order we were being helped by an expert.

Now, I should point out that a helping hand (quite literally) is not unusual in doggy sex. Often a little manipulation is all it takes. But my friend is an expert in quite a different breed.

Marcus was about to take a dive into the turbulent waters of Pom Sex.

For the young eager Pom male, sex has unique problems. The dainty young hopeful is likely to discover that the chosen one is, well....considerably larger. In fact, often a Really Big Girl. However keen he is, he is unlikely to make it on his own, so techniques have been developed.....

The lady was held firmly, and Marcus got going with enthusiasm. His little face was suffused with concentration, Any second now.....

As he connected with the target, a large strong hand clutched his bottom and propelled him inward at lightspeed. His ears shot up and his eyes rolled in shock. As he was held firmly in position, the expression turned to acute embarrassment. He began to look about furtively to see how many witnesses there were, and how he could silence them.

"There, that`s it," said my friend, releasing him at last. "That`s how we do it in Poms."

Marcus` look spoke volumes about Poms. You could see that he was wondering how they could ever face reproduction.

But as we chatted and time went on, he began to notice that his lady love was as attractive as ever. A certain amount of flirting went on.

"He might go again," said my friend. "Look, I`ll hold the bitch..."

The patter of Marcus` feet heading out of the door was the only response.