I should know better

I`ve been filling in forms to register the dogs with the Irish Kennel Club and wading through questions about previous registrations and microchipping. It didn`t take long for my mind to wander off into the spreading minefield of Tony`s Identity Cards.

I`ve said often that I don`t understand the man. What would possess him to hitch his creaky wagon to this fading star?

The last time we had Identity Cards , no-one carried them except those who were using forged ones for a nefarious purpose....and there were a lot of those.

This time I understand I`ll have to carry one if I want to take out a library book.

But by the time I`ve paid my three hundred and am carrying this beauty equipped with retinal scan, fingerprints, toeprints, pubic hair samples and a download of the Crazy Frog, I can guarantee you three things:

1. It`ll be cloned within a year.

2. The terrorists we are all to fear will be willing to pay handsomely for the best of the forgeries.

3. The local numpt -sorry, council, will have got hold of all the data encrypted on it and will be selling it everywhere.

Maybe Tony should just have us all tattooed with a barcode on the forehead. (Terrorist suspects could be hauled into the nearest Tesco and scanned at the checkout.)

Or we could be microchipped.

I know how to microchip a dog. Humans can`t be much different.

Anyone who wants to win the fight against terror with Tony and be ahead of the trend, just give me a call........