I should know better

A harrowing weekend, trying to take in two major shows separated by ocean.

I`m not really in favour of RORO ferries. Basically, a boat with a large hole in the front is a bad idea, any way you look at it. If God had wanted cars to cross seas he would have given them fins...........wait a bit, didn`t the Americans do exactly that in the fifties?

Anyway, I don`t have a car. So picture self and friend lugging dogs onto a little chuggy late night local train that stops at every anthill right down the coast, then lugging said dogs across the dismal windswept port to catch the 5am ferry, weaving our way between cars bulging with dogs and dog paraphenalia, and already resounding with arguments as to who didn`t pack what, and why that dog has been sick already before we even reached the damned boat...

We consoled ourselves with the prospect of a Great Day in Ireland.

So much for prospects. Our judge was Belgian, and she didn`t like the Young Lad or Tomato, who simpered at her - still less Demented, whose coat has gone hormonal and oily. I had a good set-to with the show manager, who had insisted that all toys were benched up 2 flights of stairs...........you get the picture.

On the way home the boat was late and one engine short. Great rumours spead about the Liverpool boat, a ship of fools which didn`t even make it to Belfast with its cargo of dogs and was now back in Liverpool with the RORO doors stuck fast and the show folk immured with their pooches and all the other show folk they hated, presumably for ever - HUIS CLOS meets Lassie. Bets were laid on how long the bar would last and we all secretly imagined the same fate for us. As it was we ended up stranded in Glasgow, being rescued by another doggy friend.

I don`t remember too much about the second show. Two hours sleep does that to me. It probably went well.

Whizz went to the Irish show, and confronted the Belgian lady. She poked at his mouth and squinted at his ears. Whizz turned his perfect head and focussed his frosty goggle-eyed stare. You could feel the temperature drop to a few degrees Kelvin, and the icicles form. You could see the glaciers rolling out over Belgium..............

Whizz ended up Best Chin Puppy.