I should know better

7am - Up. Look at thermometer. Look outside and shudder - only living thing Mr Robin perching hopefully in the snow. Offer dogs an outing. All dogs bury noses deeper in tails and curl up tighter.

7.30am - Back to bed

8.30am - Up. Try not to look at thermometer. Make dogs an offer they can`t refuse. Once they are out, start heating stove into life.

9am. - Feed dogs.

9.30am - Out in snow to bring in coal. Stoke stove to the max.

10am - Breakfast. Look at emails.

10.30am - Digesting breakfast. ~Digestion helped by the presence of 5 dogs jockeying for position on my knee.

11am - Necessary work including sorting refuse which will have to be carried on foot out to the main road tomorrow. Try not to think about the road.

1pm.- Cannot put it off any longer, and set off with a shovel to clear a path out to civilisation. Some was done yesterday - not enough. Get stuck in.

2pm. - Have progressed as far as the deserted house, and am challenged by an aggressive mongrel. Offer it a taste of the shovel.
Its owner appears and says "He won`t hurt you."
I have heard this litany before. The second part of it usually goes - "Well, he`s never done that before..." I assure the large Right-To-Roamer that I am quite OK as I have a large shovel, and maintain eye contact with the dog. He calls it off and goes down the hill. I resume shovelling.

3pm. - The mongrel and owner reappear. He says - "That`s a hard job. Is no-one helping?"
I look around . Pointedly. The only living things in sight on the vast snowfield are me, him, the attack mongrel and Mr Robin. I can see my best chance would be the robin. I tell him no.
"That`s a shame", he says and buggers off up the hill.

3.30pm - I give up as it is getting dark and slog off home. I have only cleared halfway. It is freezing hard.

4pm - Insist on another dog outing. A little more food.

4.30pm. A meal for me and one for Mr Robin. Guess who has the Royal Canin?

6pm. That`s it. Given up for the day. Stoke stove to the max and prepare for the intellectual stimulation of Strictly. Doze off during it. Will never know now if Anton managed to lift Widdy above his head without popping a hernia.

9pm. Dogs out - amazed their feet don`t freeze to the ground.

10pm. Secure house for the night. Bank the stove. Tell the dogs how lucky they are to have a roof over their heads. Manage to prevent Marcus from bumbiting Shelby yet again as the latter goes into his bed.

11.50pm - Try not to look at the thermometer. Off to bed with Marcus, Allegra and Solitaire.

Gosh, it has been a FUN day!