I should know better

Not a lot happening here, folks

Merlin is at last working out the disciplines of showing, and his truly horrid screechy bark has echoed round a few showgrounds recently. Amazingly, he tends to do well.

Topaz has elected to stay in the stage of development described by a doggy friend as "hit really hard with the ugly stick." He is a male. so of course thinks he is wonderful.

Tamara, with two and a half weeks to go till the Happy Event, is eating everything but the carpet and grinning at me a lot.

Routine continues, and one part of it is the checking of anal glands.

I have recently learned from online forums that if they build up sufficient pressure, they can actually explode. I was appalled. A dog`s anal glands are situated....well, just where you would expect them to be situated, and have the habit of becoming congested. In that case you get out the latex gloves and squeeze. Hard. ( Yes, the dog really loves it. Of course he does. How could you doubt it?)

I have stood behind many a suffering dog and watched his eyes pop as I performed the ritual. One of the joys of dog owning. Never once did I suppose that the damn things could go off like grenades. In future during this procedure I shall use a police issue polycarbonate riot shield (another of the essentials of country living).

In fact, the next time I am troubled with aggressive Right to Roamers, I could do worse than threaten them with Marcus` bottom, aimed right at them at pointblank range.

There`s no law in Scotland against pointing a loaded dog at an intruder.