I should know better

Off to a show with mixed hopes. Merlin, to be honest, is still a problem and quite unpredictable. On the table, approached by the judge, he turns into a wax dog, boneless and melting. On the ground he is wildly excited by the whole thing, and marginally under control.

However, we had Cavaliers in the next ring, and one of them was ill-advised enough to be black and tan. Merlin homed in on it as black - a devil dog, spawn of Satan - and gave it a good roasting. He has a bark that sounds like sheet metal being cut by an inexperienced apprentice with a rusty saw, and it resounded across the showground. He also, fortunately, saw fit to show off in front of those inferior dogs, and amazingly he won.

Reeling with the shock of this, I hurried in with Marcus. He is a seasoned performer, and I posed him with his best point foremost - his pretty head. Alas, the judge wandered round to the back.

"Where are his trousers?" she asked.

A question I have been asking Marcus for years. His lack of rear covering has always been a problem....for me that is. Marcus, with his fixation on the opposite sex, probably sees it as being stripped down ready for action. I thought better of saying "Folded neatly on the bed at home" and she passed on. I told Marcus that I felt that his part in the whole episode had been totally pants.

Allegra did well - but we didn`t head for home.

Not yet.

There was the matter of The Wedding.

Two seasoned exhibitors had decided to get married at the show. Originally they had intended to have the ceremony between the dog and the bitch judging in the Papillon ring, and the judge had been all for it, but the organising club had been against - why I don`t know, for I am willing to bet a large sum that the word "wedding" does not occur anywhere in Kennel Club regulations for show management.

As it was, we had to wait, and it took place in the Main Ring after the Pastoral Group. A reasonable number of exhibitors and a group of frankly amazed show staff had waited as well, and there was a quick ceremony. The bride was pretty in pink and carried a white bouquet and a red and white Papillon.

Afterwards we adjourned to an outbuilding for a buffet and the cutting of the cake and the usual toasts. There was a piper, and of course an appearance of Papillonman....well, that`s what it`s like in our breed, folks. Weddings, superheroes, little dogs without trousers - we take it all in our stride.

And my day wasn`t over yet

Watch this space.