I should know better

Edinburgh is to fund a major crack-down on serious urban crime. It has created a dog fouling swat team.....

Only in Edinburgh! The intrepid eco-warriors will be kitted out in special jackets with insignia (let your mind run riot. ) They will prowl in their state-of the-art vehicle with rotating cameras and sensors at different levels - possibly the one on the very high pole is to detect urban giraffes showing wilful intent to defecate. Then the moment Fido (or a giraffe) Adopts The Position, the sirens will wail, the lights will flash and the vehicle will scream into action...

"There`s a badass smell
In the neighbourhood,
Who ya gonna call? -
Shitebusters !"

Out pour the Men In Brown (possibly in it over the ankles if dealing with the giraffe) and neutralise the perp.

Now clearly this is not a job of which you are going to boast to the other guys....Well not where I live, anyway although it is recognised that Edinburgh is A Bit Different. Over here you`d sooner admit to spending your days lacemaking, or painting rosy lips on garden gnomes ( I once met someone who had done the latter, and when it got out he never lived down the shame and had to move south.)

In Glasgow any appearence of these high-tech Toley Terrors would soon attract a vast retinue of eager none too supportive young spectators, offering lots of helpful suggestions, and possibly even some material...er, evidence (probably thrown).

But there - this is obviously the face of the future. Men in Brown making the streets safe for civilisation.

Gonny hide yer giraffe, son?