I should know better

Well, I suppose that if you go back far enough you find that Christmas is fitted over an ancient midwinter fire festival. So it should have come as no surprise that to celebrate the season someone saw fit to set fire to the ruined cottage next door again.

I was on my way out with Celeste to have her arthritis checked. No sane taxi driver would brave the inferno, so I set out on foot, and had to edge past the blaze. As I hiked to the end of the road, I was met by two fire engines. I told them the fire had been set, and headed off up the hill. Celeste was by now obeying the law of physics that states that the weight of an item increases exponentially with the distance carried....

Trailing back in the dark, I found the road still blocked by two brightly-lit appliances. Totally blocked. An obliging and possibly slightly mad fireman eventually carried me round via the ditch, while another lugged Celeste.

In the cold light of day I discovered that the road was not only flooded but virtually destroyed in one soft place by the heavy vehicles, and I am now cut off for Christmas - unless you have four wheel drive, or preferably caterpillar tracks. Or waders. Or a helicopter.

Not many of my friends have helicopters.

All very festive.