I should know better

I came out of the cinema the other day - yes, I am a Wallace and Gromit fan from way back and loved the new one, especially now Nick has gone back to his favourite 50s North Country milieu - and went into Ottakar`s for a coffee. I was busy with cappucino, iPod and the Economist when the good -looking man oppiosite leaned forward and said -

"It is you! I knew by the rings!"

Now I must confess that I have a slight thing for jewellery, and consider myself undressed if I don`t clank when I walk...still, it`s not what I would choose to be remembered for. I stared at him. And it all came back.

It was George.

I hadn`t seen him in fifteen years, when he was pushing hard for promotion and I was pushing hard to get out. We both achieved our aim. My attitude to work is well expressed by Oscar Wilde who pointed out that if work was so wonderful the rich would have kept it all for themselves, and Gus Elen who advised people never to look for work but lie in bed and let the work look for them.

George had got promotion - but not as far as expected, and was now stuck in middle management. My eyes kept straying to his head. He still had his hair. What was it.......?

And then I remembered.

I was looking for the toupee.

It had arrived quite suddenly. We had been fooling around with a camera, taking group photos, and suddenly one of the girls told George that his bald spot was shining in the overhead lights. He laughed, but went and found a cap for the pictures, and within a week the rug was in place.

It was a constant strain on all of us. There`s nothing funny about baldness - it`s just a fact of life. But trying to hide it is hilarious. And of course the hairpiece didn`t quite match the rest - in certain lights it was quite red. And it had that restless roaming tendency of all wigs called on to deal with an active lifestyle. I remember not knowing where to look as it slid rakishly sideways during a particularly animated presentation. And the colleague who rushed in to see me and said in great embarrassment:

"Omigod! I just had an argument with George and I told him to keep his hair on!"

Now as George went on enthusiastically about his job, I found myself trying to see round behind him. What was lurking these days on the top of his head?

At last he had to go - pressure of work. And as he got up and turned - wouldn`t you know it - a large lady with a stack of books pushed in front of him. In a moment he had gone.

And his secret had gone with him.