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Saga of a woman old enough to know better who lets her life be governed by the ridiculous hobby of breeding and showing dogs, musing on life, the twenty first century, Cameron and his mini-me, and the occasional sheep.
"IN DOG YEARS, I`M DEAD"

Thursday, November 04, 2004

WILLY, WONT HE 

At a dog show, dogs are exhibited in their classes in rings. But beside the rings are rows of benches, where dogs are supposed to be kept when not in the ring. Especially at the winter indoor shows, this is where the gossip, business and above all the backbiting goes on.

While discreetly snooping around looking for possible beautiful husbands for Tomato, I came across an altercation about willy warmers.

Now, dogs don`t require that part of the anatomy heated - well maybe dachshunds in Alaska. The problem is more one of what a memorable ad of the past referred to as "understains". . Remember, ours is a predominantly white breed.

The average male dog doesn`t care about understains. Urine to a dog is so much more than a waste product. It`s his CV, his Resume, his beuatifully crafted biography. He wants to spread it everywhere, as often as possible, where other males will sniff it and tremble at his awesome superiority. What does he care if his tummy is a striking shade of daffodil?

The show breeder cares passionately. You wouldn`t believe the range of shampoos and chemicals used at enormous expense to whiten the affected areas. And this was evidently a device to stop the problem. However, I, and obvioulsy the person asking about it, just couldn`t see how a band of cloth containing a pantyliner velcroed about the dog`s middle would really be the answer.........apart form the "fluid retention" problem, any of my males would have it off and ripped to shreds in minutes as an affront to masculinity.

Evidently the enquirer felt the same. She asked about the construction of this indispensable canine fashinon accessory.

"Don`t dare copy it! I`ve patented it! It`s entirely mine - I got it from the Internet!"

The enquirer stared at the simple strip of cloth. "But how is it gong to work."

The inventor drew her a haughty look.

"That`s a secret!"

Wizardry and high magic are evidently not dead in the world of dogs.

But as a duty to the world, if I come across the source code for this indispensable item, I will not hesitate to make it freely available......
i
Posted by: Elizabeth / 3:18 PM
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