I should know better

I was at the checkout in Tesco today when the girl looked up and said: "You go a lot to the cinema, don`t you?"

I admitted this.

"Have you seen TROY? Is it any good?"

I started to give her an account of it: I thought it was surprisingly watchable, not just sword and sandal, and parts of it even had some nodding acquaintance with Homer, and was getting well into my stride when her eyes glazed over and she interrupted:

"Is it true you get to see Brad Pitt`s bottom?"

I hastily shifted a gear. You do actually see an awful lot of Brad Pitt. Homer mentions Achilles sulking in his tent (Brad does a good sulk), but I don`t recall the Illiad mentioning that most of this sulking was done buck naked and arse uppermost, as in the film. You can imagine a suitable Homeric epithet - "butt-bare Achilles", perhaps.....

"Yes you do see it, and most of the rest of him too."

Her eyes glazed further, and her lip quivered. "That`s it. I`m going tomorrow".

I suddenly remembered that there are such things as doubles in the film industry, including "leg doubles" and "bottom doubles". Could she be sure that the desirable quivering expanse of gluteals and cellulite spread over the screen before her was really Brad? Would it matter?

I decided to keep quiet. The business of body doubles should remain one of the great secrets of the silver screen.......

Anyway, I`m at present negotiating a job as J-LO`s brain double....