I should know better

Bleak November. Hard frost. Short days, long nights. And a lot more winter to come...

Well, actually it`s only getting down to minus 3, and this morning I escaped from the canine maternity ward long enough to take myself off to the local market, to buy cheap peanuts for the birds.

The local market is a delightfully seedy affair, on a windswept site that used to be Victorian commercial stabling......yes, it`s beautifully photogenic, but if I brought out a camera of any sort I`d be instantly marked as a Trading Standards Officer, and my life expectancy would decrease appreciably.

So you`ll have to take my word for it that it`s full of Del Boys with hookey gear, young lads with enormous misplaced optimism as to what will sell at all, sad Asians flogging ladies` clothing designed to appeal to octogenarians (and truly enormous knickers, 3 for five quid), and the usual veg and meat stalls. It`s very basic, and tails off at the back into a sorry car boot section filled with old vacuum cleaners and the ornaments that were instantly loathed wedding presents forty years ago.

Already there was a leaven of Christmas cards and ornaments. I saw one enormously fat man talking to a solemn little boy:

"Naw, nae Santa this year. He`s been caught once too often on thae speed cameras down on Castlehill Road. Mrs Santa`s gaun to try it for him on the bus this year...."

I collected the peanuts from the pet stall, where the stallholder juggles when business is slow,
and also a pair of warm furry slippers for four quid, a price possibly due to the fact that they had an enormous stock of them, all size seven.

Honest, I`ll try to smuggle a camera in next time.