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Saga of a woman old enough to know better who lets her life be governed by the ridiculous hobby of breeding and showing dogs, musing on life, the twenty first century, Cameron and his mini-me, and the occasional sheep.
"IN DOG YEARS, I`M DEAD"

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Making a scarlet statement Posted by Picasa
Doing the Hat Thing...sturdy enough to repel wasps, cruise missiles and low flying aircraft Posted by Picasa

RED OR DEAD 

Quite a wedding.

I arived at the very expensive venue, and a friend and I headed for the loo. No sooner had my bum hit the plastic than the lights flashed and sirens went off....

Now, I have heard of loos like this in Japan. When you sit down they measure your BP, weight, height, cholesterol, BMI, credit rating, and give you a readout that includes your starsign and job prospects. But this was Scotland. Could it be that I was the millionth visitor to sit on it...? Was there a prize?

No, it was a fire alarm. We struggled out, with the whole wedding party and watched the fire engines scream up.

After that I thought the actual wedding would perhaps be an anticlimax.

Until the bride`s mother arrived. She had indeed done the Hat Thing. Many birds had perished to produce it. It was vast, and sturdy enough to repel wasps, cruise missiles and low flying aircraft.

But of course it was the bride`s day. She had wanted to make a statement. She did.

Brides gt married in white, in ivory, in pastels.

Not too many get married in scarlet.

There were gasps from the groom`s relatives. Few were in doubt as to what the statement was.

Knowing the bride, they were probably quite right.

Monday, September 25, 2006

HAT TRICK 

I`m off to a wedding today. It`s Amanda`s second - I seem to remember her first marriage lasting all of five minutes -could it be that I`m getting a tad cynical...?

Another guest phoned me and we discussed What To Wear at length.

"Are you doing the Hat Thing?" she asked.

I assured her I wasn`t. (You don`t want ever to see me in a hat.)

"I`m certainly not doing the Hat Thing." she said. "Not for Amanda`s second attempt."

I suggested that she made it sound a bit like a driving test.

"Amanda was much better at driving" she said firmly.

"We should leave the Hat Thing to her mother, " I proposed.

"Yes - we could do with a laugh at this junket."

I have a feeling that at the reception bets will be taken openly and loudly on the probable duration of the vows. Watch this space for a full report.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Shelby, Best Puppy at Darlington Ch Show, promising cat wrestler. Posted by Picasa

DAWN TO DUSK 

Struggling to get ready for our own show, I could have done without being wakened at five again.

Normaly when the dogs are disturbed, I can persuade them to go back to sleep. But then there`s always one.....

And of course it`s Shelby. When he`s awake, the whole world has to rise. And after a few dozen choruses of the Chin National Anthem, believe me, even the dead would rise. The yowling even persuades my oldest lady to wake......well, to open one eye and hope the noise will go away soon.

Once out, there`s the problem of getting him in. When dusk falls, Shelby begins to parade up and down the garden, very much on the look out.

No, not for burglars -wouldn`t that be useful? For cats. They come for their last meal when it gets dark, and he`ll be ready.

Now, my dogs sometimes chase the cats. The cats promptly get up on a gatepost or a tree and jeer.

Shelby has no intention of chasing them. He saunters up to them, very confiding. They are quite taken in by this, until they learn the awful truth.

Shelby wants to wrestle with them. Much worse than being chased. The first time my poor old Eloise had a Chin grapple with her and roll her over, I thought she would die of shock. He thinks it`s great sport. Maybe cat sumo is really big in Japan.

And I`m the poor sap who has to lure him in with titbits before the main event can begin. That can take some time.

Late to bed and very early to rise these days.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

DOO WAH DIDDY... 

When I was young I used to just love Manfredd Mann

Now I love showing dogs.

Or do I....?

"Here she comes, just a-swaying down the mat
Singing Doo Wah Diddy Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
With her stifles slipping and her pasterns flat,
Singing Doo Wah Diddy Diddy Dum Diddy Doo.

Her coat`s wool
Her head`s coarse
Her tail`s down, her bum`s up, and she looks just like a horse.

Wowowowowo – I knew she was going to win
Wowowowowo – It was all arranged before she came in –

Soon she`ll have puppies, looking just like her
Singing Doo Wah Diddy Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
Disaster areas covered in fur
Singing Doo Wah Diddy Diddy Dum Diddy Doo

And they`ll sell
For big bucks
And they`ll win, just like her – don`t you think the whole thing sucks?


Singing Doo Wah Diddy Diddy - why do we bother?"

(No, it doesn`t refer to any one actual dog.)

No Papillons were harmed during the making of this parody.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Allegra chills out after the show. Posted by Picasa

SHOWBOUND 

Still recovering from a show at the weekend in darkest south England - no, the show was fine, but the twelve hours heading home in a smoke-filled bus as we trundled through endless traffic jams on the M25, M4 and M6 with me wiggling my legs endlessly to avoid deep vein thrombosis have really done for me.

The show was good and the weather warm. Even the hornets didn`t bother me. I sat at the ringside beside someone.....well, let`s just say some one I`d wish hornets on, and tried to do just that. However, my best efforts of mind over insect only succeeded in driving one to drown in the guy`s beer. I think he drank it. I do hope so.

Marcus and Allegra won, in their different ways. Marcus stands with head held high, gazing into the distance in a really intellectual way - actually he`s sniffing out the nearest female and calculating how quickly he could get there and how overjoyed she would be. Allegra tries hard never to be seen with more than one foot on the ground at any one time.

And of course, after the show and the travel they just bounce back. How do they do it? Would they teach me the secret?

I`m on the bus again this weekend.......

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